There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
