He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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