I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
