well you can't waste a boner
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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