this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
