All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Sext me about skeletons
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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