i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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