Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
