just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
