Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
