I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
