Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize