His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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