We're facebook friends in real life
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
