Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
