hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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