If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
