Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
