So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
