I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
