so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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