he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
