I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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