Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
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I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
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Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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