Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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