I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Randomize
