I bet he comes in French.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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