hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
