This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
