Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
