So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
