I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
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Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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