Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
