the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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