My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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