whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
