I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
