well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I don't think brook has ever known best
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
