My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
