I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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