I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
