Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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