Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
