Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
