I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Randomize
