do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
