My brain says no but my pants say off.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
