Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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