I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
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I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
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Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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