My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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