i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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