at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
