Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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