grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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