you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
