My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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