Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
