if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
