look no pants
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
