I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
