But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
