I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
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at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
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We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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