They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
