I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
