we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
