I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
