that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
