Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize