hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
