i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
A+ Viking dick
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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