I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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