I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
