Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
